What do you want?

Asking the right questions is an important part of the work that I do. One of the most important, and I believe difficult questions is often initially perceived by my young guys as easy. But after sitting with it for a minute, they come to find that it’s not.

I am fascinated by the Law of Attraction. In simple terms, it states that what people think about will likely become their reality. When sharing this in session, I’m quick to qualify this idea. I do not believe that if you think about a pepperoni and sausage pizza hard enough, it will inevitably appear right in front of you.

But our thoughts matter. Our goals matter. It matters what we focus on. And I do not mean in some “power of positive thinking,” way. What we think about directly impacts our brains functioning.

Just the other day, as one of my boys (literal) was learning to ride his bike, I noticed that when he focused on where he wanted to go, he would go there with ease. When he looked to the left or to the right, he would veer hard in those directions and end up on the side of the road.

Research has shown that the brain is quite powerful. People were asked to drive a car and simply focus on not hitting the cones that were lined down the left side of the road. Their focus on not hitting the cones caused them to veer towards the cones, each time.

In my early days of golfing, when I had a shot that needed to clear water, I had one thought: “Just don’t hit it in the water.” Inevitably, I would, almost every time. I realized that good golfers do not even see the water. They simply visualize the shot that they want to hit and execute.

When Jesus came walking on water, scaring the snot out of his disciples, Peter wanted to try walking on water as well. And he did! For a short time. When his vision was focused on Jesus, he walked on water. As soon as he looked away, he began to sink.

Examples like these are endless.  

We have a much easier time identifying what we don’t want. For some reason, it’s far more natural for us to think this way. When I ask the guys that I am sitting with what they don’t want, they can quite easily rattle off a list of things. But when I change the question just a tad, they almost always look at me confused.

“What do you want?”

They don’t know. Many of them default and are quick to revert back to what they don’t want – which often is exactly what they are experiencing day to day. I’ve come to realize that identifying what you do want and practicing thinking about those things, is a skill. It’s not natural – particularly for young people.

This question is more than what do you want to be or become one day? This is simply, on a daily / weekly basis, “what do you want” to be a part of your life?

Asking the best questions is critical in helping young people get clarity on the things that they have not been able to name yet, thus, not obtaining these things.