Do You See Me?

In my time working with adolescent males, I see consistent patterns of thinking and behavior often rising to the surface. Many adolescent boys get caught in a rather difficult “loop” that does not allow them to experience the joy and satisfaction that comes with “creating” and “completing.” After some conversation in my office, we can conclude that they are experiencing depression. And what is the factor that is exacerbating that depression? An inability to feel productive.

(Note: this is not necessarily the origin or place where the depression began, but certainly is a piece that keeps the depression alive and unwell.)

This issue in and of itself is trickier to resolve than one might think. The paradigm of adolescents and motivation is quite a topic – with countless factors playing positive and negative roles in this process.

But this issue is even more complex when a young person does find some energy and space to “be productive,” but can rarely, if ever, approve of the work that they have done. Now they are stuck in a negative feedback loop that is difficult to break out of.

Low motivation -> Find some motivation -> Work on a project -> Does not approve of work being done -> Discouraged -> Lower motivation…

This leads me to thinking that we are not necessarily dealing with a motivation issue, we are dealing with an inability to accept themselves and the things they create – which is an extension and direct representation of themselves.

I often speak to and of the community that we live in. It’s wonderful and it’s dangerous. The people, landscape, education and more all play a role in making the greater middle Tennessee area a great place to raise a family. At the same time, countless markers of success – which are absolutely noticed and absorbed by our young people – paralyze them.

The question that many are asking, not necessarily audibly, but internally is: How can I do better than that? And so, begins a self-defeating journey ultimately penetrating into the deepest parts of their soul. Am I enough? Do I stand out? Does anyone see me?

Don’t let the incessant time spent on PlayStation and YouTube fool you. There is more going on within their minds than they lead us to believe. Our boys are hurting and as a result, we are and will continue to hurt as well.